My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
