she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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