her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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