Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
