if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Randomize
