The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
