i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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