every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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