so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
