Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
