I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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