its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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