ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
