you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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