after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think im in europe. pls send help
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