whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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