if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
