Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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