I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
