im holly from the hills drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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