There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
be right there i have to get my cape
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
