Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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