I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
