i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dicks are not precious.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
