she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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