I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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