is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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