I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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