i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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