I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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