I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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