Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
