A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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