im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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