I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
