So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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