I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
be right there i have to get my cape
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
