i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
