I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
