She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
