i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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