she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
