I think I am morally bankrupt
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
