this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
