i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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