I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
