I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
