I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
