I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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