My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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