friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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