We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
