no. you can't hotbox the world.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
