I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
