420 ftw
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
