on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
