Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
