I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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