How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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