I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
