The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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