I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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